Yesterday my husband posed this question to me, “So what do you want for 2017?” Missing no breath, I replied, “Thinner. I want to be thinner. And healthier, of course. Oh, and as always, I want less of me and more of God.” Almost immediately I feel the subtle sting of vain embarrassment for blurting out, “Thinner!” ahead of a more transcendent goal. But, it was what flew first. We were having this conversation in the quiet of our car after a day of sensory overload. A road trip to Orlando to see a Blue Man Group performance (my Christmas present from above awesome husband) which was, by the way, extraordinary. And then on to a secret dinner destination which, to our chagrin, was reservation only. (Didn’t used to be.) Plan B: another establishment. More driving. More walking. Arrived at Wilderness Lodge which is a very favorite of mine. More overload. Senses and emotions saturated. More walking. More exploring. And then the ride home and the question…

As our conversation transitioned to comfortable quiet, the question, or perhaps more honestly, the answer, did not. At least the part about wanting less of me and more of God. Now, I have been following this God for quite a long time, yet in that car, and in my waking hours this morning, I still contemplate what that looks like in my skin. In real time, real life, real me. Favorite mug in hand, I reach for the book on the table and pick up where I left off. It is author Ann Voskamp’s newest, “The Broken Way”, and as with her previous book “1000 Gifts”, I am proceeding slowly and often re-reading.  She offers much to consider, and I take my time. She writes from the caverns of her heart and holds nothing back. All is sacred honesty, and I read with sacred respect. This is her story and her pen is dipped in grace and blood. And then I read the words that move my reading from her story – to mine. I read the words that begin to answer the question….

My eyes read and linger, and I recognize that it is no longer Ann speaking to me but my Father. Here is what He wants me to learn. To know. To remember. To believe. To trust Him for.

“The art of giving is believing there is enough love in you, that you are loved enough by  Him, to be made enough love to give.”
“Learning the art of living is learning the art of giving.”
“For God so loved the world that He gave….” John 3:16

So simple. Feels almost too simple for one who has followed Jesus and reviewed His example for such a long time. Too simple for one who has lived this many years. And yet the voice of Love whispers, “I know you child. I know your frailties and fears and desires to love and give. I know what holds you back. What causes the regret. And this is the answer to the question…

Stunning. This love of a Father for His child. This deep and intimate knowledge of how she is wired and fashioned. He knows me. The quirks. The reluctant attempts to give well and love well. The botched follow-throughs. The ridiculous shyness. The fear of rejection that paralyzes the sincere longing to love with abandon. And yet He knows that the offerings of love and compassion and acceptance and friendship are precisely the things that bring purest joy to me and explode my heart with freedom. And bear His image through me to a waiting world . And so He answers the question for me before I can pull it into view.

“I know your heart, Pam.” I will continue to teach you the art of living. I began this work in you, and I am completing it. The love you long to offer is Mine. I will continue to teach you the art of giving it.  And here is another answer for that other  question”,

“The art of giving is believing there is enough love in you, that you are loved enough by Him, to be made enough love to give.”

Eucharisteo~